My Inspiration

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Mac is an incredible young man. He’s very observant, attentive, loves to help, clean and sort. He creates a special handshake/pound for everyone he meets and expects you to remember it. Mac loves deconstructing any toy/item to make it his own. He’s a good friend, always there always present. Mac remains nonverbal. His eyes continue to speak everything that his mouth does not. 

I knew Mac was different at 10 months…(even my pregnancy was eventful because he was an extremely restless baby). It seemed as if he held wrestling matches at 1a, 6a, 3p, 6p, and 10p daily. When I birthed Ma’chir he had the most beautiful little face that I had ever seen. He seemed like a very deep and complex child. I gazed at him as he gazed at Me. As Mac got older, he’d become more and more inconsolable. His Dad would walk the floor with him all night, comforting and playing music for him. Ma’chir surpassed all milestones (walking and talking) up until about 10 months. Mac would shake his bottle & say…”Ain’t nothin in there”, clap his hands to songs, point & say "light". 

One day, as if someone pulled the plug out of a fan, it stopped. As the blades slowed, all language ceased and the gaze became a blank stare. It felt as if the child that I anticipated died and the child that Mac became was the same little beautiful face that I birthed, deep and complex.

Explaining to my family that Mac was now different before they could see it for themselves was frustrating to say the very least. It was as if I was ringing the alarm that there was a fire but no one smelled the smoke or saw the flames. “Nikkie, that’s just his personality” they’d say or..”You are comparing Ma’chir to Marcelus and that isn’t fair”. It was a hurtful time, but I knew. I knew and no one could tell me differently. It took years before they could actually see it for themselves. Doctor visits produced a similar hurt. I didn’t feel validated. Honestly, I felt like a crazy woman but I never doubted myself and what I knew about my child. I’d taken my baby back and forth to the doctors..5-6 times. The reception was, "He’s a boy, they develop slower than girls."  "He’s just getting to know himself", or "he’s not deaf nor going blind”. 

One particular visit, Mac’s primary care physician was out, so we had Dr. Aveda (who we had never met before).  I explained my concerns, the tears fell per usual on top of Mac’s head as he sat in my lap. She said, “Nicole, do you think Ma’chir is Autistic"?  I had finally been seen! I said, "YES! What’s that??" I had never heard of Autism before but I KNEW. She did a checklist, and Ma’chir was off the charts. Intensive therapies were introduced immediately. 

My home became the launch pad of providers. Work, social life, and reality as a whole had drastically changed.  Eventually my 10 year marriage failed. I found myself in constant prayer and supplication trying to balance life with Ma’chir and be the best mother I could be for my 2 other sons.  I was in search of an actual diagnosis, although I KNEW.  We continued to live our lives according to exactly what I knew but I needed others to know that I was not crazy.  Obtaining a true diagnosis was another task. One hospital had a 2 year wait while the other had a 14 month wait. I’d call daily to see if there were cancellations. I had truly become a low key stalker, the staff new my name and I knew theirs. "Good morning Mrs. Boone, no I’m sorry, nothing today, we’ll talk to you tomorrow."  Until one day.. about 5 months later there was a cancellation. Ma’chir was diagnosed with Autism at 18 months. 

Mac eventually went to an Autistic Support School at 3 years old. He then transitioned to another Autistic Support School until being transitioned again to our neighborhood school for kindergarten. That transition broke my heart. I KNEW that Mac would not thrive in that environment and like before, I rung the alarm and although some agreed, ultimately it fell on deaf ears and I was told that Mac had to fail (prove that the school district could not support him) before a private school would be approved. So through tears I sent Mac to school. His teacher was an absolute gem, a phenomenal woman who cared and created a beautiful world for her students. She agreed that Mac was not fit for that setting as she tried to support him. Eventually TSS workers quit because of Mac’s behaviors. I bought a pair of scrubs and went to school with my son daily to support him. During lunch, we would visit the principal's office daily, were she would step and repeat.. “Ma’chir is doing fine he just needs to acclimate to the setting”. It was not until Ma’chir urinated in her trash can, that she signed the paper work..that day I might add!  Selecting an approved private school was nerve wrecking but we chose one and he has been there until now. The school psychologist said to me, "Your Son is Beautifully Autistic". That was the 1st time that I heard Autism expressed in such a positive light. Ma’chir has experienced many obstacles along the way, medication adjustments, behavioral issues, and hormonal changes. Advocating for my son has been a tumultuous journey that continues until this day...

The pandemic slowed our lives down. It provided time to reflect on what has always mattered, my children. One day, I woke and said…"We deserve to be seen. II want to have a fun day for Autistic families so we can go outside and play without judgement.  Random right? Hence the inception of Motherly Autistic Care (MAC).

I’ve had moments were I was not seen, heard, or understood. I want you to know that I see you. I feel you. I understand. In that moment, we had to mourn the child we anticipated and accept the blessing we received. Our children changed the scope of our life’s trajectory that made us more balanced, understanding and humble. 

I pledge to hear you, build with you, & anchor one another in our darkest moments while basking in our child’s unfiltered light. 

~Nicole Boone

Motherly Autistic Care

Mother/Founder/Executive Director